The perfect children's world from the point of view of parents is one in which children play with each other leaving their things without questioning and playing without arguments. The reality, on the other hand, is usually very different because although there are many toys available, it usually happens that the toy that a child wants is the one that another child has in their hands, with the consequent attempt of robbery or theft and the inevitable anger of the victim.
It happens and parents must intercede, sometimes with more success and sometimes with less, trying to teach them something that children already know, that we must learn to share. I say you know, not because they do, but because young children know how to do it, although they prefer not to, as an investigation explains.
But do they really have to share?
Before talking about the aforementioned research, I want to remember my opinion as far as sharing each other's things. If we are talking about toys that belong to a child, that belong to him, and although it is usual to teach him to share them, the one who must have the last word is the child. If he does not want to leave them, they are not left, and if a child removes them and he cries or becomes uncomfortable, we must recover him. A child does not learn anything positive because we tell him that we are not going to defend his toy, but that he learns to tolerate the removal of another child, not even for a while.
He does not learn anything positive because as he grows he will not be the usual behavior of anyone ... nor will the children come to take his things without permission, nor will he leave them to someone he does not know. What is the point of teaching him to leave things he does not want to leave to strangers? Even if they are known, just as he will decide more about his things, as a child he should be able to do so.
Let's talk about common goods
However, we are not talking about lending something, but about sharing, about the principle of justice and equity, about doing what is logical, and an investigation carried out at Harvard University has shown that three and four year olds already know how to be fair and fairThey know how to distribute in a balanced way. Now, at the moment of truth, they show that they prefer not to.
To do the research, they took a sample of children between three and eight years old and asked them how they could give some children some stickers they had given them. In total they gave four stickers to each one and the question they were asked is how many would they give to another child of the same age who has none.
Younger children, those of three and four yearsThey responded that they should deliver two stickers to the other child, that is, they would give him two and they would stay with two others. However, when the boy in question appeared on the scene asking for his two stickers, the boy who had them all decided to change strategy and instead of giving it two they gave only one, keeping the remaining three. The seven and eight-year-old children logically shared the stickers fairly.
When asked why they decided, the elders said that because that was what they had to do, just. The children, on the other hand, explained that they had felt the need to do so, that is, that they followed the impulse to satisfy their own needs.
Research Conclusions
The researchers concluded that, contrary to what was believed, young children do know some social norms and they know how to distribute things so that the final result is fair. But when they saw that they were doing what they wanted to do for their own benefit, they realized that the age to carry them out may be higher.
Young children do not think about the possible conflict derived from keeping an extra sticker and the impulses seem to lead them to opt for an unequal distribution. Growing up, on the other hand, they are more aware of the possible consequences, are more rational (and less impulsive) and are able to accept that others deserve to have the same as them when talking about a cast that should be equitable.
So when you are explaining to your little son that something that is for everyone must really be, you should know that he understands it, that he knows it, but for now, and just in case, prefer to be unfair for your own benefit
