After two entries talking about overprotection and with the mission of leaving the word well defined, or of simply seeing what parents would do in the face of some situations that occur with our children, today we are going to discuss another aspect of overprotection, which goes linked to leave or not leave our son sleeping at a friend's house.
To know if we are or not overprotective parents, an online test invites us to answer, among others, the following question:
A class friend invites your four-year-old daughter to sleep Friday night at her home and spend Saturday with her. It's the first time he's going to sleep outside and you don't know the parents too much.
Then it offers us the following options:
a) You decline the invitation by claiming that your daughter is a very tummist to eat and you suggest that it is the friend who will spend the weekend with you. b) You talk to the parents and make sure they agree. Then you prepare a backpack with everything you need and give you all the necessary instructions to behave well in someone else's house. c) You react the same as in the previous case, but call several times by phone to see how it is and on Saturday you will look for it as soon as possible.
The first option: my daughter is not going
The first option is presented as an inadequate response because you are too suspicious and because, in addition, you are able to invite the other girl to spend the night with you.
Let a mother or father say that I don't think it's the most normal thing in the world. We are talking about a 4 year old girl, which is not the same as a 14 year old girl. A 4-year-old girl is very capable of explaining the things that happen to her and the things that stop her from happening, but she is also very capable of hiding some things, or not saying them, simply by believing that they are normal or habitual and that they are not worth mentioning, and that can be dangerous.
To give an example, a mother from my children's school explained to me at the end of the course that in recent days she found out, by chance, because her daughter commented on it as who explains anything, that a child ate every morning the content of his sandwich, leaving it every morning with only bread. He did it for months and the mother found out when there was no remedy because the course was over.
As the question “you don't know the parents too much” says, so personally, if I didn't know them too much I would say to my daughter no, not to sleep. If anything, I would try to have them stay for lunch, or better, I would talk to the parents, if the girls are so excited to stay together, parents and daughters.
I don't consider the second part of the answer. It seems absurd to give the other girl's parents the message that "my daughter does not stay with you" and then tell them that "but if you want, let yours stay with us."
The second option: yes daughter, you go, but behave yourself
I do not know which of the three is the answer that is considered correct in the test, although in my view I think it is this, the second, which says: “You talk to the parents and make sure they agree. Then you prepare a backpack with everything you need and give you all the necessary instructions to behave well in someone else's house. ”
If I agreed to leave my daughter with other parents (which, as I said, I am not), I would do more than talk to them to see if they agree, because I understand that it is something that is taken for granted. I don't think anyone raises his daughter on a Friday night and a Saturday at anyone's house because his 4-year-old daughter has invited him: “Ah, what can't you stay? But if your daughter has invited you! ” The most logical thing is to talk to parents and, in addition to agreeing on what to do, try to know them a little, see what they think of it, know what they plan to do at night and the next day ... come on, normal if you are a father who cares about the welfare of your daughter.
Then he says the answer that you prepare his backpack and that you give him all the instructions so that he behaves well. Well, I would give my children a lot of instructions on where things are in the backpack, but I don't think I would say "behave yourself", basically because I think again of something that is taken for granted (I at least take it for granted that they are going to behave well, I don't have to go every day before they leave home telling them that they have to behave well and they don't have to do it because I told them to). In any case, this part of the answer is less important, if you say nothing happens either.
The third option: yes daughter, you go, and I will be calling to see how you are
The third option does not seem illogical, but I understand that it is written in such a way that the mother or father who reads it may think that, if so, they will undoubtedly be overprotective parents and distrustful that even when their daughter is not able to stop thinking about her safety.
This option says that "You react the same as in the previous case, but call several times by phone to see how it is and on Saturday you will look for it as soon as possible.", which would be like letting go without being convinced of it, more for the "what will they say if I don't let it" than for the conviction that there will be fine. If you do not want me to go to the end you access the most logical thing is that you have a bad time and call often. It is even possible that the next day you feel like picking it up as soon as possible, but if you act like this, make it clear: for that not having left her, because surely your head (or your heart) told you that the most logical thing was that a 4-year-old girl is too small to spend the night with a girl in her class and with parents you barely know.
What is your choice?
I have not finally chosen any option, although from all the comments you can see that I would choose the first option with the nuance of not inviting the other girl. Am I an overprotective father? Well I don't know, maybe it is, but as I say, it has four years, only four.
