It is difficult to decide what we can do so that our children are not constrained by stereotypes of sexual identity that imposes the environment or suffer for being different.
Most human beings are born with a body that identifies us with one of two genders: men or women. Although we know that this differentiation is not something mathematical: there are people whose genetic sex is not the same as the apparent one, others who are born with a body of one gender but identify with the other from early childhood and others, of course, who identified with their gender they do not adapt to what society expects of them or in their behavior or their emotional affinities or sexual orientation.
Children should not cry. Girls should behave like young ladies. Pink is a color of girls. The boys do not play with dolls. Being sensitive or affectionate is not male. Girls have to be quiet and not climb trees. Are we still listening to these things?
I don't think it's good to get to extremes like making the child ignorant of his own gender or keeping it a secret, nor that we can or should isolate them from the influences of the environment, but we should always be aware that our children are unique, free people, full of all possibilities that our intelligence and sensitivity naturally endows human beings. And we must convey it firmly and calmly.
When the environment is hostile
When the environment is hostile It does not mean that we should isolate but also that we should expose our children to aggressions or ethically dangerous values. Even if necessary, as we do with ourselves, we can encourage them to reduce the relationship with people or groups where machismo and sexism prevail.
I do not relate to someone who mistreats animals, nor does it apologize for violence, nor is it aggressive, nor insults me. And children should know that they have the right to decide to protect themselves of those who harm them.
A home without stereotypes or assessments
A non-macho homeWherever each person, regardless of sex, who decides their path, their tastes and makes decisions equally will be the best place where any child should grow up.
When our children see each other exposed to sexism, to sexist comments, to gender stereotypes, as will undoubtedly happen, our role is to give them the assurance that there is a place where no one is judged by their sex, nor by their decisions, nor by doing things that do not suit to his gender, nor, of course, because of his sexual orientation.
The educator game
A good tactic is to offer the child all game possibilities from a young age and a fluid relationship with his father and mother and with other people who can help them build their own personal identity, with healthy "masculine" and "feminine" models of behavior.
Regarding the game, my advice, offer and respect. We cannot force a girl to play football or strollers, but we can allow her to have toys and human groups where she can experiment. We cannot force a child to play house or kitchenette, but we can have dolls and food to experiment with.
What I do advise is to veto, and in that I am categorical, to veto in our home sexist comments come from who comes, so that they do not limit the child's freedom of choice. Y respect your tastes, without favorable or negative comments, whatever you like best.
Women drive and run. Men cook and care for their families. That is the normal message that they should receive, both in regard to the vital experience and in regard to the teaching of the freely chosen game. Usually the girls are inclined towards some games and the boys by others, but within the variety the possibilities are endless, as many as people.
Education in values
Another more delicate issue is the way to adapt to behaviors that are considered of the other gender by society and that can cause our children to receive unfavorable comments and insulting labels. There are no "fagots" or "tomboy" girls. There are children, just as there are people. And our role as parents is educate them in values.
A common strategy for all and very beneficial is to help our children know value people, explain to them the diversity of human beings, different cultures, talk about characters that they can take as models that have known how to live independently of the rules that were imposed on them, famous homosexuals, lesbians and bisexuals, explain that there is transsexuality and, above all , reinforce the idea that there are no professions, games, or mandatory tastes marked by the sex with which we are born.
Empower children
Information is power. And children need to know that they can empower themselves of their own lives and live them as they wish, not as others expect of them.
There are children who spend an era in which they identify more with the opposite gender, who say they want to be a boy or a girl when they "are" the opposite. First, I would advise checking that there is in your environment that is forcing that trend, because sometimes we are the adults, with the assessment of a stereotype that will lead or classify them. Then, I repeat, always respect and be attentive to the needs of our children.
Most children pass this stage but others will develop these attitudes or trends over time. The important thing is that they always know that we love them as they are, not what anyone expects them to be, nor ourselves.
The fundamental idea is that we should not grow with stereotypes, nor with marked rules, that each person is free to dress, talk, behave and fall in love with whoever decides. If our son does not fit in sexual social stereotypes Or in the general trend of what is expected in the form of your genitals, does anything really matter if we help you grow as a healthy, free and happy person?
It may matter, especially in societies or groups that are still very macho, because the pressure will exist. But, when that exists, our role as parents will be doubly important, we must not only convey real equality, but a profound respect for the individuality of each person. If parents accept our children as they are and love them as they are, the weight of a hostile environment will be much less.
