Perinatal loss is one that occurs in the last phase of pregnancy or in the first seven days after the baby is born. It is not difficult to imagine the hard blow that this has to suppose for some parents, nevertheless, the society insists on hiding this terrible pain.
Silence the loss of that baby or try to comfort some shattered parents with inappropriate phrases, is something more common than we think. Therefore, from Babies and More, we believe it is important give voice to families that are going through this situation, with the aim of raising awareness in society, clothing and giving visibility to these babies who left too soon.
Mónica Carrasco is a lawyer, born in Barcelona but based in Madrid. In 2010 she became a mother for the first time of a girl named Nerea, and in 2015 she became pregnant again with another girl they would call Chloe.
But unfortunately Little Chloe died during childbirth due to medical negligence, according to his parents, and since then Monica has focused all his efforts on keep your daughter's memory alive through his blog The Footprints of Chloe, and to raise awareness of the importance of receiving proper health care through the Beats for Health and Life campaign.
We have talked with this mother about the painful experience of losing her baby. Sharing his experience, Monica intends serve as an accompaniment to other parents who are going through the same situationn and raise your voice to the treatment, sometimes unhuman and professional, that we receive women during childbirth by the toilets.
How had Chloe's pregnancy passed?
My pregnancy was normal, but I was considered at risk because I had pregestational diabetes and also a previous C-section due to non-progression of labor.
In week 39 I started with labor contractions and expelled the mucous plug, so we decided to go to the hospital. It was May 15, 2016 at 7:00 p.m. The whole family were looking forward to meeting Chloe!
When did the problems start?
When I went to the emergency room, they monitored me, took the route and gave me epidural anesthesia. But with the change of shift, the new midwife who attended me decided to break my bag, despite the fact that my delivery was progressing well and that in the three hours I had been admitted I had gone from 3 to 5 cm dilatation.
We immediately observe that the waters were tinged with meconium. I was very scared and asked the midwife if my baby could suck it and suffocate, but she told me that it was unlikely and that the only thing that could happen was that at birth they had to take her to clean her mouth.
After a while the alarm began to sound because there was a drop in Chloe's heart rate; The healthcare professionals came, changed my position in bed and put oxygen on me. But they didn't do more and again, my husband and I were left alone without any accompaniment or supervision.
The Monitors alarm rang several more times indicating problems in my daughter's heartbeat, but no one came to see what was happening and when we decided to warn us, the midwife simply lowered the volume of the device and administered a medication to decrease the intensity of contractions and with it, stress what my baby was suffering.
And with your medical history, have you ever planned to have a C-section?
At first no. With the medication they gave me they slowed down labor but fetal stress remained and Chloe continued to suffer bradycardia. Despite this, at no time was the scalp PH test performed to find out if he was getting enough oxygen.
Our daughter endured a continued lack of oxygen but no one seemed to give it importance until they finally decided to perform the C-section. I was urgently practiced at 02:30 in the morning on May 16, but it was too late for my daughter Chloe and He died a few minutes after coming to the world.
The result of the Apgar test they did was 1/0/0, and the gasometric study of the umbilical cord reflected severe acidosis, with a pH of 6.8.
"I entered the hospital with a completely healthy baby inside me who struggled a lot during childbirth, but was not given the opportunity to come into the world"When and how did the doctors explain what happened?
In the final part of the intervention they decided to apply general anesthesia despite refusing to do so because I wanted to meet my daughter. But they sedated me against my will and when I woke up, 45 minutes later, I ran into a heartbreaking scene.
When I opened my eyes I expected to meet my second daughter but instead I found my husband crying that it was he who told me that Chloe had died. He asked me if I wanted to see her and after a while, two midwives brought my girl in a crib. He had weighed 3,960 grams.
With hardly any strength I held my baby in my arms, and that was when I realized the nightmare we were living.
"I gently stroked her head, hugged her and said in her ear the words of love that any mother would say to her son:" Chloe I love you very, very much. "Those were my last words. Then they took her away"
Three hours after the intervention they decided to move me to a room on the ground floor and again I was aware of the terrible situation: I had a Recent caesarean section and a wound that reminded me of it, but I didn't have my daughter with me.
I was in a state of shock and since the hospital did not offer me any kind of psychological support, it was my husband who asked for it, and after several hours a psychiatrist and a psychologist came, but none of them specialized in grieving.
The therapy didn't help me and I felt very lonely. I even had the feeling that health professionals themselves avoided entering my room and when they did and we asked them what had happened their response was always the same: "we don't know".
How is the duel for Chloe being?
The fact of face the death of Chloe when I expected life, and to find myself with empty arms after his loss, it was so painful that it made me go into shock and I cry his loss every day.
When I got home and saw her empty crib, all the little things we had bought for her, and the milk sprouting from my chest (despite having taken the pill to cut off breastfeeding) the pain worsened even more if possible.
I can't enjoy it but every day I imagine what my life would be like with her. I love her so much that I always have her in my heart and For her I fight every day to try to find out what happened that night in the hospital.
My daughter Nerea is the pillar I cling to. She was very happy and excited to have a little sister and was devastating when she knew she was gone forever. He often asks us about Chloe and I always tell him he was equal to her.
We try to support all three to cope with this duel. Sometimes we get it, but sometimes we can't cheer up because we can't find the words. So we cry and take refuge in places that make us feel good that, in our case, it is nature.
Have you found support in your environment?
The year before the event of my daughter my father died unexpectedly, so the period of grief that I am personally going through is being very hard, since a short space of time I lost my father and my girl, whose death also It was avoidable.
Given this I have felt very surrounded by my environment but I also have to say that there are others people acting as if nothing had happened and as if Chloe had never existed. They even ask me if "I feel better" or they tell me that "I have to get over it," that "I am young and will have more children."
"It is preferable to keep silent or just listen when you do not know what to say. Because each child is unique and unrepeatable, and my daughter Chloe does exist and something has happened, and is that she has died."It has never been difficult for me to externalize my feeling of pain and all those people who have approached me and asked me have spoken without taboos. It's profitable treat this grieving process normally and not fill the silences with empty or even harmful words.
Why did "Chloe's footprints" arise?
I was in a big I was in a state of psychological shock and I was tortured by the idea of not being able to help her, besides being convinced that his death was totally avoidable. That's why I decided to open the blog and report my case socially. The name of the blog was inspired by my daughter's prints, which is the only thing I have left of her
In the blog you can also see the campaign "Heartbeat for Health and Life" with which I intend raise awareness of the respect with which people should be treated, and of the fundamental right to life and health that we all have. The name of the campaign was based on the Chloe heartbeat audio that we also keep.
This is my social complaint but, in parallel, also we have decided to denounce by judicial means despite how painful it is to remember again and again what happened. But I feel I have to do it for Chloe. The fight for the truth is what keeps me active and what saved me during the four months of maternity leave.
"Over time I have realized that there is a general tendency to hide the alleged medical negligence, when it would be best to help, protect and give visibility to the victims"
What would you say to another mother who is living the same as you?
The death of a child is something against nature and when it occurs it causes great pain on a physical and emotional level. This never heals, but assimilates and learns to live with sadness.
To overcome this process there is no choice but to accept reality little by little, however heartbreaking it may be. The key is to talk to people who understand you, and let yourself be wrapped up by people who love you. In my case I found great support in my mother, who is always willing to listen to me, and in my husband and daughter who feel the same pain as me.
"You need to receive a lot of love for what is important that you rely on people who are willing to offer it to you, who do not judge you and who do their best to calm your restlessness."Personally it helps me to think that my daughter Chloe is doing well. Wherever you are, I just hope it's fine. I love you Chloe.
Impossible not to read Monica without shedding a tear Or feel the heart made a knot. His words denote a tremendous love for his daughter and a courage and strength worthy of admiration. I hope very soon I can find the truth that you are looking for so much and keep walking forward; for her daughter Nerea, for herself and for that little star named Chloe.
Thanks to Monica Carrasco, The Footprints of Chloe
In Babies and More Balloons for remembrance 2014: awareness of gestational and neonatal loss, The nine things you should not say to a woman who has suffered an abortion, "The empty cradle", a book about prenatal death, Violence test Obstetrician, what is a risky pregnancy?
