Do you know someone who will soon have a baby? Well, that makes you a potential baby visitor, or what is the same, that person who receives a good day the news that that couple he knows adds a newborn to his family, and decides to go see them and meet his offspring.
Do you know what you have to do and what not? Well, don't stop reading this Definitive Guide for the Baby Visitor, and thus you will avoid hurting susceptibilities, bothering and, in short, you will save yourself from putting your leg to the bottom.
1. Don't show up without warning
Never. Whether you are going to go to the hospital or if you are going to see them at home, never think that they will be excited to appear by surprise. Basically because you can arrive at a bad time, and then the surprise becomes unpleasant.
Babies do not have a schedule for anything, neither to eat, nor to sleep, nor to cry, nor to be calm. This means that the parents' schedule, and especially the mother's schedule, will be modified to adapt a little to this situation. This happening, it may be that at the time you appear she is about to take advantage of the fact that the baby is calm to close her eyes for a while, to shower, or to eat even if it is five in the afternoon.
2. Go forward to help
Once you have been told when you can go see them, do not go on a guest plan. Do not think about what they can do for you to make you feel comfortable as a visitor, but in what you can do to make tired parents feel better.
"Do you need me to buy some road?", "Will I bring you some food for dinner (quiet, for dinner, I will be gone)?", "Do I pick you up from the house?".
Everything will depend on the trust you have with the couple, of course. So if you have a lot, you can even catch the dishes and wash them (without asking, if they won't tell you not to do it), or clean part of the house; and if you have little, it will be enough to offer you in case they need you or you can help, and in case of possible and probable refusal, keep in mind that his time is money and that, although they are on leave, they are busier than ever (Come on, be a little while and then go ... talking in silver).
In Babies and more Once we are parents, should we let visitors take the baby?3. Do not go if you are sick
Do you know how many vaccines a newborn baby has? One or none Do you know that babies get sick very easily? Do you know that if they get sick from the virus that only causes you a slight cold or discomfort, they may need a hospital admission?
It is a quick summary and a way of saying that you have to be especially careful with babies, because the last thing you want a tired couple who is trying to get used to caring for a baby is to be a tired couple who is trying to get used to taking care of A sick baby inside a hospital.
It's not putting the baby in a bubble, it's prevent you from spreading it without need. If they put it in a bubble they wouldn't even tell you that he was born, so you wouldn't have the temptation to go to meet him. But they have told you, considering that if you go it is because you are healthy. Because you can go perfectly when you're not bad, that the baby will remain there when that happens.
4. Wash your hands before touching it
The ideal and most respectful for the mother and the baby is that don't take it or touch it if they don't offer it to you. There are mothers who feel very uncomfortable when others take their baby, and although very few people understand it, it is a very logical and lawful feeling. So much so that he should be respected instead of telling him to exaggerate, or make him feel that he is overprotecting his baby and that his instincts are wrong.
Now, if you end up with the baby in your arms, let it be after you have washed your hands. Whether you are one of those who do not wash your hands after going to the sink, as if you are one of those who do, there are many things that your hands touch throughout the day. That means that you can carry germs in them that do nothing to you, or even viruses that you don't get because you don't put them in your mouth or nose, that you can pass on to your little hands, to your little pijamita, to your little face when you touch the skunk, etc.
Then you just need the baby put his little hand in his mouth so he can get what you have brought from the street without knowing it.
5. No kisses
In the mouth, absolutely prohibited. For hygiene, for the risk of infection and for respect for the baby and his parents.
On the cheek it is less dangerous, but I would say the same thing: many people are carriers of germs capable of causing serious diseases and many times they are not even aware of it. Why leave your slime on the cheek of a baby that is not yours?
And not, in the hands either, for the same reason: when they are hungry they tend to take, instinctively, hands to mouth. So better not to kiss them on the hands if it can be.
In the consultation we usually say, when there are brothers, that if they want to kiss their little brother, do it on the feet. Siblings are vectors of serious illness for a baby, so they are worth avoiding. And adults, likewise. If you want to kiss him because it seems very necessary to do it, better on the feet.
In Babies and more The three things you can ask for visits in your postpartum6. Do not ask to be awakened to see the color of the eyes
I think it's amazing to have to write this, but if I didn't do it, the guide wouldn't be complete. If when you go the baby is asleep, and that day for whatever it is rest peacefully and do not wake up, don't ask parents to wake him up because you have to go and you haven't seen his eyes yet.
There will be other occasions to see them, and also, do not believe that he will look at you. What do you expect to happen when you open them? That he looks at you and smiles as if he had seen an angel? That is not going to happen ... At the most it will open them, it will look sideways, it will look towards the light that is closer to it or it will even squint.
A baby's rest must be respected.
7. The tips? If they ask you
I know that recent parents have the face of not knowing anything and that it is a temptation difficult to bear to give any advice that you know, that you have heard or that you have read do not know where, have children or not, but really, make me case: shut up.
I am sorry to be so explicit, but it is quite likely that what they are doing is because they believe they have to do so, so if they do not ask you about a specific fact, if they do not ask for your opinion, it is best not to tell them anything. Because you will tell them to do B when they are doing A, and the next day someone will tell them that B is absurd and what better C, when the pediatrician will tell them what better D, the nurse will say E and in a magazine they will read F.
The best is let them do what they feel they have to do, and if it does not work for them, they will be in charge of looking for information to know other options.
If you really feel that you must say something, if you cannot leave without doing so, if you feel that you are really doing so badly, you can suggest it in the most respectful and assertive way possible. Something like "I really am nobody to tell you how you have to do it, but I would like to tell you this in case it could help you ... if it doesn't work for you, I haven't said anything, huh? The last thing I want is to bother you ".
Surely they will receive this better than all those advice given with a "You should" or with a "Not so".
8. If you see a lot of people, run away
When you arrive there will be no problem, because you will have talked to the parents beforehand and when they open you they will surely be alone with the baby. But whoever has not read this guide will be planted in the hospital or at the parents' house without asking, and there are many who are among those who, as they arrive, apollonize and in many cases they don't leave until they don't eat dinner.
If you see that you join a few, with that unexpected visit, the ideal is to leave after a while (shortly). As a suggestion, and if you help others to be taken for granted, you can say something like "Well, I'm leaving now, you'll be tired and want privacy and time to rest."
Although they don't get it anyway and it's the same visitors who fire you because they consider yes, they are tired and they want intimacy with the couple and the baby.
9. Do not take pictures of the baby or the mother
Unless you are asked, or do not care, both for the privacy of the baby and the mother, who often does not feel like others photograph her. The couple and the baby are sure that a few will be made and they will have them as a souvenir, so do not suffer from the fact that they do not remain without immortalizing that moment.
Now, if you want to take a picture with them, ask them, of course. And if it is with the baby, the same. And of course do not hang it on social networks without your consent.
Ah! And do not use the flash. We know that it is not dangerous to take photos with flash, but it is quite annoying for the baby.
In Babies and more "Don't kiss my baby": the serious danger that can give kisses to newborns10. Try not to scream
Whether you are in the hospital or if you are at the couple's house, try to speak in a calm and relaxed tone. It is not only for the fact of being in public (as in the hospital, where other people can be disturbed), but also, and above all, for the baby. The louder the noise you perceive, in a time when you still don't understand where it comes from, or what that volume is due to, the higher your stress level, and worse will be the nights for him and his parents, with more awakenings and cries.
And it is that in the majority of occasions, when a baby of few days wakes up very often at night, restless, it is not more than a consequence of what you have experienced during the day.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Do you visit annoying? No, thanks: the baby needs calm, do you want to be the perfect guest? Decalogue for visits to newborns, Professionals who recommend that newborns not receive visitors
